Heartbreak does not discriminate.

D-Day has come and gone.

It was so strange. We walked up to the courthouse and passed a group of protesters. He made a snide political remark to which I replied, "I don't think that's funny and I don't care what you have to say." This reminder of our polarity was just what I needed to get my game face on.

Third floor of the courthouse, waiting for his honorable holy ass, Mr. Judge. There were maybe 15 other couples in the waiting area. Some were sitting next to each other, trying to seem normal. Some were convincing. One couple had British accents. Who knows what their normal sounds like.

Couples were old and young. Working class and wealthy. Heartbreak most certainly does not discriminate. It does not care about your money, your education or your issues. It also does not care how hard you love(d).

"I don't think we'll have to wait long, it looks like they're going in alphabetical order."

"I should've brought a book."

M commented that he had testified as an expert witness for this judge before. "I hope he doesn't recognize me."

Mr. Judge held the manila folder in his wedding-banded hand. Don't you judge me, you bastard. 

"Is your marriage irretrievably broken..." I hesitated because I wanted to be sure I understood the question before I gave my YES. About 5 questions and some photocopies later and we were done.

We exited the conference room (not an elaborate "court room", as I envisioned) and each headed for the bathrooms. I squeezed him on the elbow and he started crying. We exited the bathrooms at the same time and M said, "I'm sorry... it's just, the way your voice broke when you answered...." I was just unsure of what he was asking, I thought. Reminded again of how easily he misreads me.


I have to fucking go back to officially change my name. 5-7 days. Thanks a lot, Tradition. We grabbed a coffee and a game of chess downtown afterwards. He got a parking ticket. We made some inside jokes and he complained, "I don't want to have to teach someone else all of this."
 
It was truly the antithesis of my wedding. Dread rather than excitement. Clarity rather than unknowingness. I went home to The Dog and watched four episodes of The Misfits.

I saw you suffering, so I knelt
Down by your side, I saw that you
Were fading, that you were leaving
Your own mind
I gave you water just to soothe your
Failing heart and take away the fear
Of what we both know we will find