We Are Our Choices

People are sometimes surprised when I say that M didn't put up a fight when I made the decision to split. He had only tried one letter or email, just to be sure. We had a conversation and I told him I was sure. Beyond that, he was supportive of my decision. He maintains that it's not what he wants but that he understands, intellectually, that this was the right decision.

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it's always darkest before the dawn

I was talking with a friend whose relationship is not going well. I gave her the advice that if she chooses to separate, she just announce that this is how it is for her and it's simply a choice. Be clear about the choice. It's not because of any of his faults. While M had some qualities that contributed to me not wanting to be with him, what I was really in touch with, was a feeling of unhappiness that was not able to be change.

If I had pointed that finger at any of his qualities, that would give him something to fight for and something to try and change. I knew, that even if he "changed", I would still feel the same. If we make it about someone's faults, we are creating the opportunity for that person to save the relationship. Although for some people, this may be the outcome they want. I knew, wholeheartedly, that that outcome I wanted was to uncouple. I was able to accomplish this really difficult decision because I was clear on what I wanted and committed to making the choice.

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out...